Title: White Vans / I’d kill for you (even if it means killing you)
Pairing: JongKey, JongKyung, abusive!Sekyung
Genre: love, romance, drama, AU, angst
WARNING: Character death, profanity, violence
Summary: Sure, Jonghyun loves his wife. Sure, Jonghyun is in love with his little neighbor. And sure, he makes love to this boy behind her back. Sure, it’s an unhealthy obsession.
A/N: Takes place in the same house as their photobook Day… but not in New Zealand. Sort of based off of their song “Obsession” too. This is alsooo a sort of remake from kujo_arisa ’s Christmas Bullet; It is fantastic. Invest some time into reading it! I don’t hate the pretty girl (SSK), alright. Enjoy?
Like my fics? Join butterfly_pearl for fast updates, cool back stage polls, and news about your favorite fics from me, now!
The first time he sees the boy it isn’t planned. It’s a normal sunny day in their community. The birds are chirping, bees are buzzing, and Sekyung is humming some tune in their bedroom. Jonghyun is out on the porch, typing out his new romance novel. He has his reading glasses on, and casual clothes – sweats and a long sleeved shirt, clad with white-as-can-be Vans (the laced ones).
He stops for a second, looking out onto the street to regain his memory of what he was about to type. Then, like a bird flapping, Kibum rides by on his bike. He’s young, probably a freshman in high school. He’s wearing a striped, baby blue button-up with khaki capris that fit well along his thin legs. He is also wearing white Vans.
A girl trails behind him, a lock of golden brown whipping her in the face as she loses balance on her own bike. She falls, Kibum rides back to her. His bike stops with a screeeeech, and he hops off onto the cement. He cradles her right leg in his hand, turning it both directions for any certain bruise or cut. Jonghyun hears them whispering, then the girl nods her head to him.
Kibum turns slightly, narrowing his eyes on him. Jonghyun’s insides tighten and he swears on his life that the boy has green eyes.
“Hello?” the boy asks.
Jonghyun’s eyes squint. “Do you kids need help? I have a first aid kit in my closet if you need it.”
“It’s okay, my sister and I live next door. But thanks.”
“Alright then. Have a nice day.”
Kibum stares for a moment before Jessica pulls him back. She whispers something and he picks her up and they head into the house, leaving their bikes behind.
“My name’s Jonghyun,” Jonghyun says when he sees the boy come out an hour later for their bikes.
“I haven’t seen you two kids around much,” he tries. “Are you new here?”
“We moved here a couple of days ago… from Korea.”
Ah, Sekyung and I weren’t here the whole week, he explains to himself.
“You have… green eyes… and blonde hair.”
Kibum wipes his hands on his pants, smiling a bit. “My father is American…”
“That’s nice. You speak Korean though, right?” and it’s obvious, but he asks anyways.
“Um, yeah, I do.”
“Call me Jonghyun hyung from now on, then, araso?”
The younger one laughs, one that isn’t covered, one that isn’t Sekyung’s. Jonghyun decides he wants to hear it more often than not.
The second time was an accident. Jonghyun was in his office, once again trying to finish his three hundred page novel. He hears a scream and looks out his window.
He sees Kibum and his sister fighting over something. He’s on the bed, jumping high with a polaroid in his hand. He laughs that open-mouthed laugh like there’s no tomorrow.
Her brunette ponytail waddles out of the elastic band until her hair is completely freed. He pushes his lips out, leaning closer. She swats him away with her hand, snatching the tiny picture and runs out.
He runs a hand through his sunshine blonde hair, seemingly happy and a little tired. The younger dozes off for a nap. Jonghyun found his bedroom.
The third time wasn’t intentional either. He was strolling through the supermarket. He looked through his list of items for anything particular. He rams into another cart.
“Sorry!” a sweet voice squealed.
It was Kibum and his sister. Jonghyun brightened at seeing them. “Hey guys, what are you doing here?”
“Shopping.” Was Kibum’s answer.
Jonghyun sees the tense hold Jessica sets on his forearm. He smiles. “Um, yeah, I guessed. What’s the occasion?”
“Christmas… we’re getting a tree, noona and I.”
Jonghyun nods. He peers into their carriage, something catches his eye. “Telescope?”
“And Christmas shopping… I really like to see the stars at night. Though… my bedroom’s balcony isn’t really good, heh.”
“You could use mine. You can see both dippers and the North star clear as day. You should come over sometime.”
Kibum’s eyes widen. “Really? You’d let me?”
“Sure, whatever day is okay for you. I have a thing for astrology too.”
“That’s, wow, thanks Jonghyun hyung!”
Jonghyun watched as the beaded headband bobbed across his blonde bangs. He was becoming fond of the boy’s boho-prep look. Though he figured that most of the kids dressed that way too. There’s something so pure about the boy that makes Jonghyun go mad.
Jessica seems to watch him too, but she immediately averts her eyes. There’s a whine heard and Kibum and her share a long gaze. He nods and swiftly pushes their cart out of the aisle. He waves.
“Bye hyung! Is next weekend okay?”
“Yes, so I’ll see you soon, Kibum-ah?”
“Yeah, thank you again!”
Jonghyun starts to wonder when the boy got under his skin.
Sekyung tugs at her hair. Her shirt rides up a little, showing off her pale skin. Jonghyun watches, but only for a second before retreating to his office. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to seeing the boy in his bedroom.
He trudges down the lonely hallways, the quiet boundaries which Sekyung kept him in. It started when she found a woman sling her arm around his shoulder. She went completely ballistic. She threatened the girl quite firmly before locking Jonghyun up in the confides of their home.
He’d picked up lots of hobbies and solo things to do. Such as astronomy and writing. After about a year, he’d written a few romance novels. All his fantasies and wishes coming to life. Though, it was a downer not being able to share them with anyone. It was even more pathetic that his wife wouldn’t read them. But he didn’t give up hope. He started receiving letters from fans, his readers. That was the only social thing about his life. It made him happy.
Sekyung told him they were going to move to America months later, in a small, spacious town in California. She wasn’t kidding when she said spacious, they had more than two acres of land all to themselves before a house was built next to them; Kibum’s.
She made sure the person who bought the house was over fifty. She knew Jonghyun couldn’t be seduced by a middle aged woman. But it wasn’t the women and girls she should be worried about. Of course, she didn’t know that. She’d suffocated him so much, making him hers and only hers that she hadn’t noticed that he was getting tired of the opposite sex. Actually, he was starving for anything that moved. Be it boy or girl.
Soon enough his stories consisted of young teenage boys and girls, all under the age of twenty. He’d pretended he was the nice next door neighbor, while the younger teen would be innocent and naïve. They’d fall in love and he’d run off with them in some unknown community which tolerated young marriage. That was what he wanted. Well, sort of.
He wanted something exciting, something so endlessly horrible but naughty in his life. He wanted a lover, a mistress, someone that would fulfill all his needs. Unlike Sekyung, the witch that only treated him like a collector’s item. He was a toy, a trophy and he should’ve known it from the start.
When he brought up the thought of children she waved him away. She said something about keeping both their bodies nice and fit, also talking about how their lifestyle wouldn’t fit a child. But it would. Jonghyun knew it. He wanted a child so bad he went to the adoption agency, only to have her drag him out like a dog owner.
It was another thing when he wanted to build the house next to them, the one Kibum lived in. She made it such a fuss that Jonghyun was sure she’d kill someone in that very house. He’d probably have to stop the construction. But after a few days of talking she softened up enough, letting him build just that one building.
But he hadn’t known that anyone moved in until that day he saw Kibum and his sister riding their bikes along the dirt road. Sekyung had booked them a flight to Vegas, claiming she needed a real back massage, not the poor ones she was getting from him. He wasn’t mad. He followed her there like a lost puppy, because that’s what he was now. A lost puppy.
She’d been crazy enough to break him off from any family he had. Telling him that putting his parents in a retirement house was for the best, and he believed her. He didn’t even get to stick up for his older sister when Sekyung went off on her about her ‘pigsty’ in the kitchen. Junghee stormed out of the house, promising never to talk to him again until he found his pride to control his wife.
At that time, she was abusing him, hitting him whenever she thought was right. To her, he was property, her right and she loved her ownership. She liked to yell, too. She liked yelling that he was an ungrateful leech, feeding off her money day after day. And if you thought about it, she was most of their income. So he let her.
He wasn’t even sure how such a beautiful face and personality turned so rotten, spoiled with time. When they met it was like he found his other half, his definite soulmate. It was like the angels wanted them together. But with time, everything went down. He should’ve listened to his mother when she said that she was fishy. He defied her accusation, telling her that he wanted to marry her (which was all Sekyung’s idea originally). When she kept her suspicions up, he got angry, asking her these exact words: “Do you really hate me so?” and she stopped being so obvious.
It wasn’t that he wanted to push his parents away, it was that he didn’t have a mind to think for himself. He received sweet kisses from Sekyung, her praises. She blinded him from what was right. Then when she had the chance, she swiftly changed, removing everything she disliked, throwing it all away.
She had no idea that her overflowing love was strangling him until he busted (with the last of his pride and individuality). That was the first day she hit him, straight across the face, then again and again. He eventually melted to the floor, and she scooped him into her arms, rocking him. He still loved her. She was all he had left.
Somewhere along the way, she stopped giving him love altogether. She treated him like a child. One she needed to support with money only, to keep him there in her obsessive hold.
Jonghyun sighed, looking out the window. He could see the boy watching TV. He was sprawled on the carpeted floor; the one Jonghyun picked out.
“Yah, yah! Noona! Noona come in here!” he heard Kibum yell.
Jessica looked tired when she arrived a few minutes later. She was clad in sweatpants and a baby pink V-neck. She cocked her head in curiosity, not saying a word to Kibum in the matter.
“Romeo and Juliet,” he explained softer.
She nodded, sitting down next to him. He automatically curled up in her lap, resting his head on her shoulder comfortably. They seemed really close. Jonghyun was almost jealous. He had been the same way with his older sister, Junghee. But they hadn’t talked in years.
“I’m going now, Jonghyun!” Sekyung yelled from the staircase.
She was working the night shifts on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays now. She took up the offer to work full days on Sundays and Wednesdays too. Jonghyun didn’t know why. Maybe it was to make more money like she’d always talked about, or maybe to get away from him. Either way, she didn’t need to know about the guest.
“Hi hyung, I hope I’m not intruding,” Kibum said quietly at the door.
“No, no, you aren’t. We talked about this last week, didn’t we?” Jonghyun added with a chuckle.
“I see you brought your telescope.”
“I can’t see anything without it.”
Jonghyun led him up the stairs, the third floor. He went through the attic and out onto the large balcony, opening the door for Kibum. Kibum smiled as he set it up. He then marveled at the rather large one on the side, turning to Jonghyun for an explanation.
Jonghyun took the large cloak off and grinned proudly for the first time in years. “I did tell you I was into this stuff, right?”
“It’s so big! Can I try it out?”
“Yeah,” Jonghyun said, guiding Kibum behind it. “Pull your bangs back a little, yeah like that.”
Kibum tried pulling his surfer blonde hair to the side, tightening the pink shoelace that was wrapped around his head to hold his bangs. Jonghyun rested his hands on the boy’s shoulders, pushing him down to line up with the eye lens. Kibum moved the device a bit to each direction until he found what he was looking for.
“You see that star, three from the North Star?”
Jonghyun squinted, but then nodded. “What about it?”
“My father named that after my sister and I. K-i-S-i-c-a, KiSica.”
“That sounds like a couple name for celebrities.”
“It’s one of the only words she says aloud.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
Kibum stands up straight, shifting in his over-sized hoodie. “She’s mute. Well, sort of… she only talks to me nowadays.”
“What about your mom, and dad?”
“She… doesn’t talk to them much.”
“I bet her voice is beautiful.”
“It is,” Kibum sang. “She sings like an angel.”
They looked at the stars for what seemed like hours. Jonghyun learned more about the boy, his school, grades, friends, what he does for fun, everything. Kibum even talked about what was troubling him in school; sex.
They retreated into the attic. Kibum sat on the cold, wooden floor. Jonghyun copied him with a Cheshire grin.
“People think I’m good looking.”
Jonghyun’s eyebrows creased with confusion. “Is that a problem?”
“Yeah… they use my sister to get to me, thinking I’ll have sex with them and fall in love or whatever. It’s actually really pathetic. That’s why I don’t have many friends, too. They think my sister is a loser.”
“Hey,” Jonghyun whispered, his hand traveling over. “You got me, don’t you?”
“Hyung… you’re old,” Kibum silenced, but then toppled over in laughter, his torso falling to the floor.
“Oh really? Kid, do you know how old I am?”
Jonghyun slid his pinky over Kibum’s, just a light brush. “Twenty-two. And you are?”
“Seventeen…” Kibum peeked at their hands. A spark lit in his stomach.
“Fresh off the bat, aren’t we?” Jonghyun chuckled, intoxicated by the scent of the boy.
Kibum moved closer. “I like older men…”
“Oh, do you?”
“Uh-huh, I do.”
Jonghyun pressed his hand up the boy’s elbow, circling the frail bone. “You won’t tell your mom about this, right?”
“I’m a daddy’s boy.”
“Then maybe we can get to know each other better, hmm?”
“I think we’ll get along just fine.”
“Me too. We should go fishing.”
Kibum looked at him, his heart beating. “Like… a date?”
“Like an outing. Hyung and dongsaeng, you want to?”
The younger boy’s gaze fell onto the slices of wood. He pouted. “Just you and I?”
“Who else would there be?” and Jonghyun wasn’t so sure if he was right to say such a thing. It felt naughty, but so good at the same time.
“No one,” Kibum said in a shaky breath,” No one at all.”
Kibum dipped his foot in the river. The current splashed alongside the inside of his foot. It felt good. Jonghyun sat next to him; his torso crouched over a fishing pole. He was applying the rubber worm onto the end of the silvery hook. The elder looked so different in the day time, nothing like their first… err trial date.
His tan skin was the perfect shade. His eyes were covered in sunshine, so you couldn’t see how round they were, but how delicate. His lips were brushed with water from the bottle they carried over while climbing onto the broken tree. His toned muscles were partially covered with the flannel shirt he threw on in the ride there (Kibum picked it out). He was perfect. The older man was his type.
Jonghyun slung his legs over the thick body of the tree. He did it with a groan, catching the younger giggling. Jonghyun nudged Kibum, one notch too hard, for it made the blonde tumble into the water with a monstrous splash.
“Hyung!” Kibum whined. Slapping the water.
“What is it now, kid?”
“Hyung I’m all wet! My shoes… aw, hyung why’d you do that for?”
Jonghyun stuck his tongue out. “At least we can go fishing now. I fixed the pole!”
“Oh. My. Gosh…”
“Okay, here, hold my hand, I’ll bring you back up.” Jonghyun reached down, his fingers wiggling.
Kibum grabbed onto it, tugging long and hard until the elder made a coupling splash just as he did a few minutes ago. He laughed, running through the water for a way up. Though, he didn’t plan it out well since he was hugged by the waist. He was cold, yes, but warm with a small ting of accomplishment from having the other touch him like that.
He could feel the other’s buttons pressing into his back. He smiled warmly, leaning back into the heaving chest.
Jonghyun hummed,” For what?”
“The perfect day…”
“Then, thank you.”
This time, Kibum turned. “For what?”
“The perfect you.”
“Don’t make me barf…” Kibum said sadly.
He pushed Jonghyun away to climb up the muddy, dirt steps to land. Jonghyun ruffled his hair, confused. Nobody he’s ever dated had pushed him away like that. Was it just younger kids? No, it was just the Kibum charm. He ran after the boy, picking him up in his arms. There was no other explanation except saying Kibum was faking it, testing if he could come after him. He wanted a prince and that’s what he got.
“Is my baby okay?” Jonghyun said. He jumped, hoisting the boy higher on his hip.
He felt Kibum nod into his shoulder. Maybe they were one of those people who just connected. Maybe… they were meant to meet. Even if Jonghyun had Sekyung, she met his standards no longer. He was ready to just forget her, through this boy. He was okay with giving her up. He felt Kibum’s soft, baby breath on his nape and he shuddered, a good one.
He walked them back to the car. Jonghyun hummed something, a small tune. He hadn’t noticed that the boy had nodded off during the short walk. That made him smile. The boy made him smile truly for once in a long time.
On the next Wednesday, Jonghyun sees Kibum. They go out for ice cream, buy toy cars (or Jonghyun does for both of them), and sit out in the backyard basking in the orangey sunset. Jonghyun thinks it’s just perfect. He scoots in closer, getting comfortable as Kibum rests his head on his shoulder. He fingers for the soft, babyish hands of his new boyfriend, tangling them in an innocent gesture made for naïve school boys.
Kibum hums lightly. He clears his room out, packing old clothes into boxes to be donated to the local Goodwill. Jessica watches him, easing her eyes onto the silver band on his right hand, ring finger. She doesn’t say anything, of course. But she says things in her head. And some things just slip out.
“I want to run away,” her voice is scratchy from not being used.
“I don’t like it here.”
Kibum shrugs, flipping a shirt in half and folding a crease in. “Well, I do. A lot.”
“Run away with me.” She’s always been blunt; even before the incident.
“Noona. No. I can’t, okay?” she’s quiet and he sighs,” Can you make lunch? I’m starving.”
She takes a moment to stare at him. But not only him; his new toys and gadgets, too. The remote control car in the corner, the fishing pole in the closet, the new jewelry case stocked with silver and silver-gold chains, watches, rings, and even the new laptop and camera he got. It was all too weird for her to even try to fathom.
“Please… be careful, Bummie.” But he’s already taking a call on his phone, too occupied to even nod to her.
“Hyung… this is great!”
Jonghyun laughed, cutting a carrot in two,” Oh really, now?”
“No, I was just kidding. The book is huge! I don’t know how you could sit down and write it, oh my gosh.”
“Let’s say I had a lot of spare time.”
“I bet you did…” it became quiet except for the rhythmic chopping of the knife.
Jonghyun turned around. He saw Kibum hunched over the lengthy book, one hand supporting his face while the other had fingers nudged in each future page. He looked inviting. Jonghyun wiped his hands on his dish towel and skidded over to the table where the boy took vacancy.
He grinned, hovering over him with his arms by the boy’s sides. He kissed the top of his head. The soft, silky strands of golden yellow hair brushed against his lips, releasing a puff of strawberry-apple shampoo fragrance.
He pressed his torso onto the boy’s back. The younger wiggled, embarrassingly blushing. He lightly slapped his body away. Jonghyun grabbed his hands with little effort. He mushed the two wrists together before bringing them up to kiss.
Kibum giggled. Electric wires shocked through his body with each peck on his snowy skin. He watched the elder work his magic, finding every single sensitive patch of skin on his body. He gasped when Jonghyun lifted him up, laying him on the table.
Jonghyun fisted the end of his shirt. “Are you okay?”
Kibum nodded, sliding down and up on the hard cherry wood. That just set fireworks into Jonghyun’s stomach. His hands roamed greedily over the skin. He pressed his palm right below Kibum’s navel, to the inside of his hip bone. It produced a sweet little whimper and a small wiggle. The long legs stretched out until Jonghyun propped them up on the table. His eyes shined when they magically spread apart voluntarily.
“Kibum,” Jonghyun said painfully,” You’re… a virgin, right?”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jonghyun was praying to God that he’d say yes.
Kibum pulled his own torso up, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun’s neck. “I want to do everything with you.”
Jonghyun didn’t need to hear any more. His erection probably grew about two centimeters with those few words. The boy was a sin. He moved his hands up and around the boy’s thighs. He caressed the insides for it gave him a thrill to be so close to that private area. Kibum indulged in a soft kiss, biting slowly (Jonghyun taught him) and pulling back, making the elder’s bottom lip snap back into place when he was done.
He hurtled the boy’s cotton shirt up (they just got done swimming) and started sucking immediately. The sweet taste seeping into his tongue. He would remember the taste of younger boy forever. He rolled his thumb over the boy’s perk pink buds, feeling them pebble under his pad.
He popped the shirt over the boy’s head and he threw it somewhere in the corner. Kibum arched his chest up making his bones jut out like shooting stars.
He whined,” That’s not fair… why do you have everything on?”
Jonghyun smiled, leaning down to kiss him fully. He slid out of his shirt and sweats, pushing them under the table.
“Happy now?” Jonghyun asked, but then continued,” Wait. Now you need these off, too.” Pointing to his knit shorts.
Kibum put his legs up in the air, straight-as-a-pole. “Can you help me?”
“Mmh, sexy,” He groaned.
His hand groped the younger’s pant seam. His fingers glided along the sewn line, pushing in at just the right spots. He cupped Kibum’s cock through his thick shorts and squeezed lightly. He flipped his hand over, gliding it over the same way. Kibum pushed down on the hand, happily panting. Jonghyun stopped to pull the pants off. He shoved it in the corner with everything else.
He looked at the boy.
They made love until they did it in every single room in the house.
Jonghyun brought him out for milkshakes. They talked, kissed, made out, and even gave each other little presents in the bathroom stall of the diner. They hadn’t seen each other for two weeks due to Kibum’s family trip back to Korea. He told Jonghyun it wasn’t any fun. Jonghyun shielded him off saying something like “Being in Korea is the best. Better than me, actually.”
They kissed again.
Kibum’s never felt like this before. He’s never kissed an older man, nor did anything farther than saying hello. This sexy man had him under his palm, dancing like a puppet on strings. He was mesmerized by the amount of trust he put in Jonghyun. He would do anything just to hear the simple words of I love you.
“And this is the library!” Jonghyun said, throwing his hands up.
“And you made this by yourself?”
Jonghyun nodded, crossing his arms. “Why? You think I couldn’t do simple work like this?”
They (Kibum) used it as their special room. It was solely for them. Nobody should enter it, nobody at all. If someone were to, then they’d be punished greatly.
“Intruders would he killed,” Jonghyun joked.
Kibum was suddenly serious, thinking of it as a promise. “It’s official then.”
Kibum crossed his legs. He leaned against the wooden crates and started kicking the small rocks under his gray TOMS. He sighed, bumping his head against the wall of wood. He looked to the sky, looking at the silly, puffy shapes of the clouds.
How could he be late? Kibum pouted.
He looked at his clock which marked six in the evening. He was an hour late. He could’ve called or something.
He was on the verge of tears when the little hand turned to the eight. Three hours late and counting. He felt stupid, betrayed, everything. He felt like snatching out his heart and breaking it with his own bare hands. It hurt. It felt like he wasn’t important enough. It felt like there was nothing else in the world that could’ve been worse.
Jonghyun never showed up for their first anniversary that summer. But all was forgiven when he stocked the boy’s balcony with tulips and daisies, clad with a small note card. The curly, flowy handwriting said nothing other than My sweet, baby Kibum, I am so sorry. Forgive me this once?
And he did.
They made love the next week when Kibum started school. Kibum told him that the students asked about the ring. He told them a white lie.
“It’s a purity ring. Don’t you all have them?” Kibum asked innocently, flipping the situation.
“That’s cool. Not many people do that kind of stuff anymore. You’re totally cool,” one kid said.
“Sure it is,” a girl sneered, voice caked with envy.
Kibum pulled her hair on the way to second period going unnoticed. He laughed to himself.
Jonghyun traced his jaw. “It’s not very nice to lie, you know, Kibum-ah.” But in reality, he was hiding the biggest lie of all.
“I know…” he was sitting on Jonghyun’s lap comfortably.
Jonghyun fished out a tiny box. The box was a silvery gold, with a satin bow as red as pure blood. He presented it with both palms. Kibum looked at him questionably, a cock in his head. Jonghyun pushed it onto his lap. Kibum smiled, one you bite into with anticipation.
He pulled the little ribbon off, opening the puny box. Inside held a sterling silver chain with a house key attached. Kibum gasped.
“The key to my house, of course. Come whenever you can. But not too late okay?” Jonghyun said quietly.
He picked the necklace up by the chain. It swung in the exposed air, sparkling with every whoosh. Jonghyun took it and unlocked it. He draped it along the boy’s neck, then tucked it into his oversized sweater (it was autumn). Kibum never felt so special.
“You missed my birthday…” Kibum said sorrowly.
The sad thing was that Jonghyun knew he missed it. But he couldn’t do anything about it. Sekyung had him go out to her company’s dinner party. It lasted all night, unfortunately ruining their plans. Jonghyun didn’t catch Kibum on his way to the bus either. It kills him that he let the boy down.
“I’m so sorry. Forgive me, I had to do something very important that day.” Jonghyun sighed into the speaker,” Hey, I love you, alright? Just because I wasn’t there doesn’t mean anything. I’m here now, baby.”
Kibum could almost punch himself for being so stupid. He should fight. He should tell Jonghyun how he feels. But he doesn’t because he heard those words. Those stupid little words that actually mean less than he thinks.
“Okay. I love you too.” And he means it.
“Jonghyun, where are you sweetie?” Sekyung asks.
“In the office.”
She pads into the room. Her long black hair is flowing over her right shoulder. She looks beautiful, just like the first time he met her. She was wearing a silk robe; just a silk robe. He gulped.
“Let’s go to the bedroom,” she purred. “You worked enough today, baby.”
Even though her change in attitude was different, drastically different, he couldn’t help but want her. He wanted to touch her, to feel her. Everything and anything. Her sweet fragrance touched his nose and he inhaled as she climbed on top of his lap, the bareness and warmth of her connected with his jean’s seam.
The simple touch was all it took. Jonghyun thrusted up, moaning. He watched her half lidded eyes roll back. Her hands grasping his shoulders. He picked her up, putting her onto the ground. He opened the thin fabric and indulged in her body. He squeezed her, touched her, and violated her in every way possible. He was so hungry for sex that he didn’t stop to breathe.
Once he thrusted into her it was like everything was perfect again. Like his mom and sister were back in the house, all of them together again. Almost like they were back in Korea, sharing food and buying stickers for ten cents. He didn’t know why it was so intense, but he needed no explanation except that she wanted him. She actually still wanted him for more than just a collectable. For more than just a pretty face.
“I’m sorry,” she said between pants. “I’m so sorry for everything Jonghyun. I-I really am.”
And he stopped, not even thinking about bringing them both to their orgasms. Her words, felt with sincerity, made him weak in the knees. He suddenly regretted Kibum, regretted doing it with Sekyung. It was wrong, he knew that much. But for whom should he feel sorry for? His boyfriend Kibum or his wife Sekyung?
He fell on top of her, his tears running like the water faucet. That’s all he wanted. To be loved, to be wanted, to be human. He didn’t want to be a toy anymore. He couldn’t take it. He might have pushed the feeling away before, but now it was all breaking out.
He was crying so much it hurt. He could barely breathe. It was like he was being strangled. He could almost feel the fingers curling into his neck as he staggered to get some air in. His lungs weren’t working properly, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t live anymore. He just couldn’t stand it anymore. He made such a mess. It was his entire fault. The people who loved him were under the table, oblivious to his doings.
“Tomorrow is another day,” she said. “I’ll love you forever. Sekyung and Jonghyun forever.”
Jonghyun can’t stop the voices in his head telling him this is wrong. It’s all wrong. He takes her pinky, squeezing so hard she yelps. He has a disgusting love for her being helpless now; because he’s been the helpless one all this time.
Kibum doesn’t see his sister walk in, a rolling luggage in her hand. She grunts. He turns around, an apparent smile on his face. It drowns in angst when he recognizes the little turquoise suitcase.
“Where are you going?”
She looks down at her ballerina flats (she retired when their parents couldn’t find another school). “I’m leaving, I told you already.”
“Don’t go,” he says, running up to grab at her hands. “Please don’t go!” Jessica whimpers at his sudden scream, she tightens like a scared puppy.
“Come with me then, Kibum.” Her voice is incredibly shaky.
“I-I… I can’t. Just stay with me. You can’t leave me here alone, please, noona.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“There’s just someone. Please don’t go, I need you.”
It’s quiet. She nods reluctantly and he takes her suitcase (with the mind to throw it out the window, but he doesn’t) and pulls it to the corner of his room. They talk (in Jessica’s whispers) and stay in his room. They catch up on everything (except his boyfriend, the neighbor) and fall asleep from exhaustion not much later.
By Christmas week Kibum finished all of Jonghyun’s novels. He finds them interesting. All of them have different characters, different settings, but all the same. They are all illegal, run away, and live happily. He decides to return them.
He grabs his coat and pulls on his beanie. His hands are full with the books and he sets them on the porch table to lock the front door. His mittened (he borrowed Jessica’s white ones) hand digs in his shirt for the key to Jonghyun’s house (he only used it two times before). He forgot to check the time, though; it doesn’t matter to him at all.
The house seems warmer than usual, greeting Kibum nicely. He walks in after pushing the key in and unlocking it. He kicked the door closed. The floorboards creaked when he walked through the hallways. It was different to say the least.
He heard a guttural moan somewhere in the back, somewhere in the library. A dirty thought crossed Kibum’s mind, Was he looking at porn? A little part of him was energized enough to do the unthinkable in their library.
But he wasn’t expecting the sight he saw. Jonghyun was bent over one of the desks gripping onto a long onyx ponytail. He was holding onto a thin girl, feeling her up in her most private area. She was in a gray pencil skirt, creamy white pumps, and a lacey push up bra.
He hid behind the curtained door.
They were whispering something before attacking each other’s lips. Jonghyun groaned, smacking the girl’s ass with a playful force. She jumped, pouting, then smiling before going back to sucking his face.
Kibum’s tears welled in his perfect almond eyes. He bit his lip. He tried to swallow but it seemed like his throat clogged up suddenly. He whimpered silently, a wave of hurt going through him before settling into anger.
He dropped the books suddenly. Revealing his hiding spot accidently. The woman looked in his direction. She looked at him up and down before her face burned a bright apple red.
She could’ve said something like “How did he get in here?!” but she settled for,” You bitch! Get out, get out!”
Kibum’s memories come flooding back to him. All the dates. The dates Jonghyun missed. His birthday, everything. The way he said “I love you” it all made sense.
“Who are you?” he shouts back.
“ME? I’m his wife! And who are you?”
And this is the point where Kibum cries. Wife? He never said he had a wife. He never said anything. Actually, when they talked, all they talked about was Kibum. Jonghyun never took the time to talk about himself, his family. Maybe that was his motive.
“This… Jjong… this is our place. You agreed with me.”
Jonghyun turned his eyes back to Kibum. It was so apologetic that Kibum almost forgave him, almost.
“I hate you!” he fished for the key necklace in his shirt and tugged it off his neck, throwing it in Jonghyun’s face.
Sekyung jumped from her spot on the table, running towards Kibum. She gripped his neck when he hit the floor. His head went on and off the cool, wooden floor multiple times before she was pushed off by Jonghyun. He cradled his head as he coughed up saliva.
She scoffed,” What a wuss. Get out of here, now.”
“No,” Kibum coughed into his hand. “You.”
She cocked her head. There was a loud slap heard and Kibum’s face had a red imprint. He’s punched halfway (thanks to Jonghyun’s body), but just enough to draw blood. He pushed Jonghyun away, his heart in two as he grabbed for the door.
I’ll kill you, he vowed. This was our spot.
His face was burned with tears. He wept on the bathroom floor, wiping the crusty blood from the corner of his lip. He was broken and bruised, like a faulty toy. He wasn’t good enough. He was never good enough.
Kibum is a man of his promises.
“Tomorrow is another day,” he says.
The next day at school, his desk is removed. He is told it’s the only one that was placed on top of the roof. He laughs bitterly in first period. The girl that once sneered, sneered again, talking about his red handprint on his face.
He flicks her off.
The following day is good, that is until the last period of the day.
KIM FUCKBUM IS A GAY WHORE, is written in the sky with an airplane.
He’s always hated flying. Flying meant moving. He never thought it would mean war for him.
I’ll kill you, he thinks.
When he gets home a week later he collapses on his bed for a well-needed nap. Of course though, there’s a shriek.
“Kibum! Kibum wake up! The kitchen!” Jessica yells (parents are gone for an overseas trip, lucky asses.)
The firemen are outside their door, banging in with their bodies. They put out the fire in no time. They wave, saying it is only a little thing. It could be solved with a minimum amount of money.
“How could you sleep through the smoke? You could’ve died, Kibum. Don’t you know that?” Jessica asked worriedly (she talked more when the ‘rents were out).
It smells like Marlboro cigarettes in the house now. Nobody smoked. He looked out his window to see a curl of smoke escaping a window from the house next to theirs. He nodded. The war had only begun.
I’ll kill you.
A letter is found on Kibum’s balcony. It’s nudged between the dead tulips and daisies. It read, Sticks and stones may break my bones but words won’t hurt me. Have fun playing with mud pies, kid. Be lucky I didn’t come into your room instead.
Kibum suddenly knows how to kill her. He also knows how to kill him.
Money is what ruins relationships. Kibum knows much more than he should.
He walks into a store (one without cameras). He buys the cutest outfit ever produced (and a camera), pays for it (with Jonghyun’s credit card) and leaves.
He enters a store for hunters. They sell loads of guns but all he’s looking for is a small little trinket, one that would do the job and could be discarded easily. He finds it.
He signs the ugly name of Shin Sekyung (he learned it on the way out of that wretched house the day he was slapped) on the registering paper and hands it back to the manager. The man questions the name lightly and Kibum says it’s correct.
He hums to himself on the way out, popping the gun against his fingers.
His doorbell rings on Christmas Eve. There, Kibum stands. The boy smiles and waves with his sister’s white mittens. Jonghyun takes in the beautiful feature. The boy straightened his usual curly blonde locks so they fell straight, but he also cut it, and dyed it no less to a chestnut brown. It was sexy. He was also wearing a beige peacoat with white Vans.
“Kibum, listen,” he tries to keep his voice calm, but he’s shocked with the boy’s courage to come back.
“No.” Kibum pulls the gun out. “Let me in, pretty please.”
Jonghyun is pushed back with the blunt tip of the gun. He can’t breathe. Kibum closes the door with his bottom. He doesn’t bother being nice (he leaves his shoes on).
“Hi,” Kibum says, hugging the man tightly.
Jonghyun finds it weird. He’s scared shitless. “I’m sorry, Kibum. We can’t… I’m sorry for everything I did to you.”
Stay strong, Kibum, don’t cave.
“Uh-huh, me too. But don’t you think you owe me something?” he asks innocently.
Kibum nuzzles his nose into the furrow in Jonghyun’s chest. He breathes in the sweet smell of fabric softener and feels a bit better about himself. The warmth of Jonghyun sends chills down Kibum’s spine.
“It’s hot in here,” Jonghyun says, lust taking over his body. “Take this off.”
“Is she home?”
“No, not yet.”
Jonghyun helps Kibum out of his coat. Kibum turns, resuming the possessive hug. “We’re just going to talk right, hyung?”
Kibum feels Jonghyun sigh. “Yeah… just talk.” It’s almost like he forgot the gun was in his hand.
When they are sitting down (Kibum explains that he likes it better on Jonghyun’s lap, and the elder lets him) Kibum sighs.
“You aren’t sorry, are you?”
Jonghyun shakes his head. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. It just did… I’m really very sorry, Kibum. I tried to stop her but she was on a rampage. I didn’t even know she knew your school.”
“It’s the only high school, hyung.”
“Oh, that could be true, too.”
“Well… did you get me a present?” Kibum asked expectantly.
“Well… no, I never thought you’d come back here, I really… didn’t think about it,” he stutters.
You always forget about me don’t you? Kibum thinks, head rolling with average memories.
“Well that’s not fair. I got something for you.”
Jonghyun smiles. “Really?”
“It’s outside, let me get it.” Kibum says excitedly. He hops off Jonghyun’s lap, putting his hand up in a stay here motion.
He stomps his feet on his way to the hallway and puts his coat on. He turns, again to enter the room. Holding up the gun he frowns. He only wanted to say goodbye. That’s all (not really. He wanted to be the last one to say goodbye).
But right when Kibum cocks the gun, Jonghyun sees him in the TV. He turns, frightened.
“Kibum, no, please don’t.” Jonghyun runs to him, trying to engulf him in a hug to try and stop the bullet.
Kibum backs up one step, watching Jonghyun fall to his feet. “Bye Jjongie.”
A man is shot. Kibum did it so fast. He didn’t even know he did it himself. He picks up the shell, shoving it back into his peacoat. His heart is beating loudly. It’s thumping against his ribcage. He doesn’t know why or how he did it so quick. He should have waited. He should have gotten his last kiss.
He sees him grip his chest, where the bullet went through. The man’s ACDC short sleeve shirt has a growing, crimson blotch. He doesn’t know how someone could bleed so much. He wants to run and hug him while he still has the time, but he doesn’t (prints, more evidence that he was there). He feels a banging in his head. He just killed his first love. His heart hurts.
He would’ve done anything he could for the older man. He could’ve taken his own life for his love. He would’ve jumped in front of a train for him. He would’ve run away with him like the stories, books he wrote. He could’ve protected him from anything, even though he was younger. There was nothing left to feel except agony. He killed the one thing he loved.
But now it felt right. It felt okay. It was revenge. Revenge was okay it you went through hell because of that person, right? Right, of course it is.
He sniffs and covers his mouth with his covered hand. His muffled cries can’t be heard. Nobody heard anything. He feels like someone just pushed him off a bridge, and he’s falling, falling until he hits the ground with a smash. He feels terrible, so terrible he could die. But what good would that do?
He fists his chest and bites his lips, watching the man flinch and twitch from the sudden impact of the bullet. He drops to his knees, bowing once to pay his respects, but he stays there in bowing position. He cries like that on the floor next to the almost dead body. His heaving does nothing for him, crying doesn’t either. He wants to feel some success, some of that happiness again. Everything is done. But he doesn’t, he feels empty, lost.
He doesn’t feel the man’s breath reaching his cheek anymore.
He tucks the gun in his pocket and waits behind the Christmas tree after changing the locks on the doors. He waited to hear the door open and a shrill scream.
He runs out, snatching his key from the soup bowl (Jonghyun didn’t throw it away). He locks the door and they’re trapped (one way open like their school doors).
Kibum runs, he runs like mad. He suddenly wants to get back to his sister as soon as possible. While running, he trips on his doorstep. He gropes his knee and notices his shoes. Part of the tip on his right shoe is stained with blood. Precious, just precious (he’ll buy new ones tomorrow. The bank would be open to empty out a certain account, right?)
He takes a selca of himself smiling. He wants to remember this day as a happy one, not a gruesome one.
“Let’s run away,” he says, breathless.
He had discarded all evidence before going into Jessica’s room. He kept his shoes in a shopping bag along with his sister’s mittens.
Her face brightened as she looked up from her book. “Finally.”
“It’s so nice here…” Jessica mumbles, her teeth chattering.
“It’s still cold in Boston, Jessie.”
Jessica turns. “By the way, where are my mittens?”
Kibum reaches into his bag (not the shopping bag, we’re talking about his fanny pack) and pulls them out. Before handing them to her, he sees a small dot, one dark red blood-like dot. He freezes. Jessica snatches them from him with a laugh.
“Freezing up now, aren’t we Kibummie?” she jokes, pulling them on and jumping.
“Oh… Kibum, did you do this?” she asked, looking at the dot with a scrunch in her face.
He stops once more, his heart is beating rapidly. “My pen exploded. I promise I’ll buy you new ones.”
“It’s fine, baby Kibum.” She hugged his shoulders while boarding the airplane to New Zealand.
He just comitted the perfect crime.